My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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