U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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