I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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