I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
