i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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