sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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