Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You need Xanax blowdarts
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
