I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
