We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
