The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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