Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
