I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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