It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
