So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
