Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
