he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
