good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
