my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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