getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have aggressive nipples.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
