He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
