Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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