I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
