i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
