Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
