; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
