is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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