her vagine was all disorganized.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
