Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
