i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
