I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
