Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
