Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
