I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize