she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
