You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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