you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
