we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
