I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
