TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
