I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
