Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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