NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
how drunk are you?
Several
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
