I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
