why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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