hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
