Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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