New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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