I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
