shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
