Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
