So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
