I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The air taste purple.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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