playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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