im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
