I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
