Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
