I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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