Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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