Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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