I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize