I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
