a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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