i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
