woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
