Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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