The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
