also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
