I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
