just tell him i said nine months
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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