Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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