somebody snuck up and got me drunk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
